Unimagined Consequences
by Pandastriker
Summary: It was simple. Make Carly jealous. Simple in theory, difficult in practice. What happens when a series of events forces Freddie to make a choice he never envisioned himself having to make? Seddie
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I haven't done a multi-chapter iCarly story yet, and I felt like doing one. I have to figure there is another story with a similar plotline as this one out there somewhere in the bowels of the iCarly fandom because admittedly the plot is simple and clichéd, but I don't think I've ever read one pertaining to iCarly. So any likeness to another story is completely unintentional, and I would like to be notified if this happens.**

**So please don't sue me, because as of 6:37 PST yesterday, my lawyer is currently my cat, Lieutenant T. Meowkins. So please contact him with any questions and accusations you may have.**

**Lieutenant T. Meowkins is working on me getting iCarly, but until then I don't own iCarly or any of the characters mentioned. **

--

"This is the best idea I've ever had! Why haven't I thought of this earlier?!"

"Dude."

"It's bulletproof! I ask some random girl on a date, and try to make Carly jealous!"

"Dude."

"It's actually quite simple really. She sees me and her together and she starts to get insanely jealous! She realizes that she loves me and we belong together and she tells me how she feels and she loves me, we kiss, live happily ever after with two and a half kids!"

"Dude."

"It's so easy! This is the solution to all my problems! This plan is so great it should be illegal!"

"Dude."

"What Gibby?! What?!" Freddie yelled at him, finally acknowledging his presence.

"That sounds great and all, but what girl are you going to get to make her jealous?" he asked.

"Oh yeah…forgot about that part." Freddie trailed and his shoulders slumped. "That's kind of an important part huh?"

"Uh duh." Gibby replied.

"Well." Freddie began "I'm sure I can find someone."

"Yeah right." Gibby replied. "The only person that's gone on fewer dates than you over the last year is Jeremy, and that isn't an accomplishment."

"Hey!" Freddie shot back, offended. "I've been on dates!"

"With who?" Gibby asked.

"…Shut up." Freddie muttered "Okay what about you? You haven't been on dates either!"

"I know." Gibby replied smoothly "I'm not allowed to."

"Um…why?" Freddie asked, sending him a confused look.

"Therapist orders."

"Ah makes sense."

"Enough about me, you need to find a girl that is willing to try and make Carly jealous with you." Gibby replied and Freddie sighed and leaned back against his locker he was standing in front of.

"That might be harder than I thought. I don't talk to girls all that often." Freddie muttered.

"Hate to be the one to break this to you, but you talk to girls more than guys." Gibby mentioned.

"Yeah, but that's just Carly and Sam." Freddie replied.

"So? They still count as girls." Gibby said

"Okay yeah, but that isn't the point. It isn't relevant to my problem here. I can't make Carly jealous by dating Carly." Freddie pointed out and Gibby's face scrunched in thought.

"That would like rip a hole in space or something!" Gibby declared and all Freddie could do was laugh.

"Something like that. Anyway, so now I don't know what to do. My perfect plan is out the window." Freddie sighed.

"Let's not give up that easily, there has to be a girl out there willing to help you out." Gibby reasoned.

"Like who?" Freddie ventured, willing to listen to suggestions.

"I don't know, I'm just lying to make you feel better." Gibby replied.

"Something your therapist taught you?" Freddie asked and Gibby's eyes widened.

"How did you know?!" he asked incredulously.

"Just a guess." Freddie replied, and then threw his hands in the air wildly. "We aren't getting anywhere!" he yelled, fed up with things not going his way.

"Calm down Freddie." Gibby reasoned. "I'm here for you buddy."

"Well then help me think of something." Freddie told him and tilted his head in thought.

"I have an idea!" Gibby declared a minute or so later.

"What is it?" Freddie asked, getting off the locker and looking at him.

"What if I dress up like a girl and-"

"No." Freddie shot at him quickly and Gibby put his hands up in defense.

"Alright okay, I just needed to know where the boundaries are." Gibby responded.

"Okay fine, then I'll put the boundaries up." Freddie said. "First and foremost, and I can't stress this enough, it actually has to be a _girl_." Freddie started, glaring at Gibby. "Second, she needs to be attractive or the plan won't work. Third, Carly has to know her, so she can't be from another school or anything. Fourth, she has to be single, obviously. And last, but certainly not least, she can't be your sister."

"You know she got that hair lip removed from her face right?" he asked.

"Don't care, still not allowed." Freddie replied quickly.

"Aw man." Gibby whined and sulked.

"Focus Gibby, focus!" Freddie urged and Gibby snapped back to attention.

"Sorry, sorry. Okay, so we need to find you a girl." Gibby said excitedly, clasping his hands together and looking around the hallway. He turned back to Freddie "I'm out of ideas." He declared and Freddie sighed audibly in defeat.

"This is hopeless." Freddie said, leaning back against the lockers and sliding down to the floor.

"Why don't you just ask Carly out and just do things the old fashioned way?" Gibby asked.

"I've been trying to do things 'the old fashioned way' for like six years now or something. This is the last stitch effort for me, and if this plan doesn't work, I don't think anything will." Freddie said solemnly.

"Dude, if you have to try elaborate plans to get Carly to like you, ever think it just isn't meant to be with you two?" Gibby ventured insightfully and was received by Freddie with a hard glare.

"Don't be stupid Gibby. I never think that. _EVER_." Freddie responded. "Now if you want to help me, think of something, if not leave Gibby." Freddie said, sinking his head with a solemn sigh.

Gibby thought for a moment, until an idea sprung in his head "I have an idea again!" he declared and Freddie cringed at the thought, but listened anyway. "What about Sam?" he asked and Freddie sprung from the floor onto his feet swiftly and shook his head furiously.

"WHAT?!" he yelled, catching the attention of everyone in the school hallway, but Freddie didn't care. Gibby just had the worst idea he's ever heard. "Sam Puckett? You have to be joking!" Freddie yelled.

"I'm serious. I don't see a problem with this." Gibby mentioned and Freddie flicked his forehead, much in Sam Puckett fashion actually.

"She'd kill me where I stand as soon as I mention it!" Freddie yelled.

"Do you want to make Carly jealous or not?" he asked and Freddie sighed.

"Yes please." He muttered back in reply.

"Then Sam is your only hope." Gibby told him and Freddie didn't want to admit it, but Gibby is right. Sam is his last hope, because he can't think of anyone else that could help him. "And she meets all the criteria!" Gibby added, making his point.

"She's a girl." He started. Duh.

"She's attractive." Yeah…she is, Freddie has to admit.

"Carly knows her." Obviously.

"She's single." Sam is almost the epitome of single at this point.

"And she isn't my sister!" he finished. Freddie sighed, and cursed himself at actually considering this, but he would try anything at this point. But would Sam actually be willing to help him out? Unlikely, but he had to ask or he would never know.

"I can't believe I'm actually considering this." Freddie groaned, giving in to Gibby's outrageous idea.

"If you want to do this, you have to get her to agree, and that's gonna be the hard part." Gibby said.

"Yeah." Freddie agreed, seeing the girl in question walk into the school doors, late of course, out of the corner of his eye. "But I think she likes me more than she lets on." He said.

Not three seconds after he finished his statement, Sam walked by them, pushing him forcefully against the lockers "Out of my way whatsyourface." She grumbled and continued her way down the hall. Freddie got up from the violence exerted on him and looked at Gibby who had an amused smile on his face.

"I could feel the love from here."

"This is gonna suck isn't it?"

--

**Honestly, the entire world could use a little more Gibby in their lives.**

**Anyway, that's the first chapter. I don't know how many chapters it is gonna be, it depends on my mood in the coming weeks, but please leave reviews and comments and stuff like that.**

**Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go feed my lawyer warm milk and tuna**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is chapter two for all of you.**

**Thanks for all the great feedback you all gave me on chapter one, it really helped when I was putting this chapter together.**

**Lieutenant T. Meowkins still hasn't figured out a way to get me iCarly, so I still don't own it. Damn lazy cat-lawyer-fireman.**

--

"Just man up and do it." Gibby said, trying to give a pep talk to Freddie, who looked like he was about to have a panic attack, nervous breakdown, heart attack, and wet himself all at the same time.

"Easy for you to say, you don't actually have to do anything!" he whispered frantically while they were making their way to Sam, who was doing something by her locker.

"I know, it's great isn't it?!" he exclaimed and Freddie glared at him. "But I'm here for moral support!" he added quickly. Freddie sighed and inched closer to his destination, ever so slowly.

"If I don't survive this ordeal, tell my mother I love her." He said, very seriously to Gibby. "Oh and you can't have my camcorder." He added and Gibby groaned in disappointment.

"Come on, it isn't like you would be using it!" he exclaimed, but Freddie didn't respond to him, because he had arrived at Sam's location. He stood there motionless for a second, until she finally saw him out of the corner of her eye and gave him a confused look.

"What do you want Fredward?" she asked, continuing to put books into her locker.

"Um…you see…the thing is…" he trailed off, suddenly realizing he had no idea what the hell he was going to say. Maybe he should have rehearsed or something, but he figures that wouldn't have mattered because he still would have been nervous as hell. Finally he took a deep breath and looked right at her "I need to talk to you."

"Do you really have to?" she groaned and slammed her locker closed.

"Yes." He answered clearly and she rolled her eyes.

"Whatever dude. Say what you need and get out of my face." She bit at him forcefully, making him take a few steps back. She spotted Gibby standing next to him and gave him a hard glare "Leave Gibby." She stated and he took the hint.

"Yeah I was about to leave anyway." He stated nervously. "I need to go…to my clothing optional…break dancing class anyway." He said and ran off down the hall.

"The funny thing is he is completely serious." Sam laughed for a moment and Freddie gave a nervous chuckle. Sam finished the laugh and then screwed her eyes on Freddie "Now tell me what is so damn important."

Freddie sputtered for a minute until Sam turned around and looked like she was about to leave, but he took a deep breath and just plunged right in. No use in beating around the bush with Sam "Go out with me." He stated, with only a little hiccup in the end.

She froze where she stood and Freddie took a few steps back so he had a small lead for when he had to run for his life. She turned around slowly and looked straight at him, her face unreadable, but definitely not too pleased with him at the moment. "Wanna run that by me again?" she growled and he put his hands up in defense and took a few more steps back.

"Hold on Sam, before you kill me hear me out!" he exclaimed and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"You better start explaining quickly." She growled out and he got the point.

"I'm not saying go out with me for _real_, just kind of fake you know?" he explained, rather poorly.

"Fredward, you have eight and a half seconds to tell me what the hell you're talking about before I end you." She shot at him and he took a deep breath and steadied himself.

"I have a plan in mind, and I need your help with it. I was kind of hoping, we could pretend to date and stuff to make…Carly jealous…" he trailed off when Sam was silent for a minute, and then she started to laugh uncontrollably.

"You actually thought I would help you try to get with my best friend?" she asked, still laughing loudly. "Wow, you are dumber than you look." She said.

"I'm serious Puckett." He said, over the sound of her laughs. "You're the only one who can help me." He said and her laughter died down a little, but she would still chuckle ever so often.

"Is that because I'm the only girl you ever talk to?" she asked, knowing the answer and laughed some more. Freddie was starting to get frustrated with her.

"Can you help me or not?!" he yelled.

"Can I? Yeah. Will I? No." she said, pushing past him and beginning to walk down the hall. He grabbed her wrist to keep her from walking away, and she turned around and tried to hit him for touching her, but he ducked, seeing it coming from past experience.

"Why won't you help me?" he said, letting go of her wrist before she tried to hit him again.

"Are you serious Fredward? Why in the world would I help you in anything, let alone trying to 'woo' my best friend?" she asked. "She's never gonna love you, so I don't why you want to waste your time, and why you insist on wasting my time with it too."

"We won't know that unless we try this plan I have Sam." He answered and she rolled her eyes.

"What's in it for me?" she asked, the small smirk appearing on her face and this was part Freddie was dreading.

"Um…the knowledge of knowing you helped out a friend?" he offered and she shook her head.

"Try again Benson." She said and he sighed.

"Okay, what do you want?" he asked, already cursing himself for putting the ball in her court.

"Well." She started, the smirk growing in size on her face. She reached into her pocket and gave him a piece of paper. He looked at her with a confused look and then looked down to the paper.

"You made a list?!" he asked incredulously when he read the paper.

"It's my 'Freddork favor list'." She told him. "I made that list just in case you ever asked me for a favor, and I finally get to use it!" she said and he groaned and read the items.

"Eight hundred years worth of ham?" he asked and she nodded.

"Duh." She replied, flicking him on the forehead.

"You aren't going to be alive for nearly that long!" he exclaimed.

"I don't want to run out." She replied and he sighed and shook his head.

"Groovy Smoothies for an entire year? That seems reasonable actually, considering I buy them for you all the time." He said, reading off the next line.

"Oh it's reasonable?" Sam asked. "Then let's make it ten years." She said and Freddie sighed, mentally telling himself to shut his mouth.

"I have to wear a chicken costume for every iCarly production for the rest of my life?" he said when he read the next line.

"Ooh I love that one. Make sure you do that." She told him, clapping her hands together.

"Whatever Sam." He said, tossing the paper back at her, even though he didn't read most of the list. "If I do all this, does it mean you're going to help me?" he asked, hopeful.

"Would you really do all that on the list?" she asked.

"I will do anything you ask me to do." He answered.

"Well." She said, putting her hand to her chin in thought. "Before we agree to anything, I need to know what the hell is going through your head."

"It's simple." He answered, his mood rising a little bit seeing that she is at least thinking about it. "We pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend for awhile, and see if Carly gets jealous. If she doesn't, we break it off and never speak of it again. If she does, and she will by the way, then the plan worked and we go back to normal, and again never speak of it again." He explained.

"I'm not kissing you." She stated sternly and he nodded.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good with that. I just think hand holding and maybe hugging will be sufficient." He said and she shuttered at the thought but he let that go for now.

"How long until we call it quits when she doesn't get jealous?" she asked, prodding him again.

"Your obvious misconception and blatant disregard for my well being aside," he started, sending her a look "I was thinking two months."

"One week." She shot back.

"One month." He replied.

"Two weeks."

"Three weeks."

"Thirty eight minutes."

"I'm good with two weeks." He relented when she gave him a hard glare. "So are you in?" he asked.

She tilted her head in thought "You know what you're asking me to do right?" she asked and he nodded frantically.

"I do, and I would be eternally grateful if you would help me." He pleaded.

She thought for a minute while Freddie was almost dying with anticipation and he held his breath when she opened her mouth to speak "Ah screw it, I'm in. I got nothing better to do anyway." She said.

"Wait really?" he asked, almost not believing what he just heard.

"Yeah, yeah keep your panties on Fredweird, I'm doing it so I could see your face when Carly is completely unaffected." She said but Freddie didn't care why she was doing it, because she was actually going to help him. He never saw this coming.

"Thank you!" he exclaimed throwing his arms around her in a hug. It didn't last long though, because she pushed him off of her forcefully.

"Slow down loser." She said, brushing off invisible Freddie germs or something "We start tomorrow morning, and so help me God if you touch me without me letting you, I will kill you, safe your life, and kill you again. Got it?" she said, narrowing her eyes at him.

He gulped "Yes ma'am."

"Good, now you have to go. You have detention in five minutes." She said, gathering her things to leave.

"What? No I don't." he said.

"You didn't, but I did. And now you're going for me. Number twenty three on the list." She said, walking away from him and he sunk his head.

"What did I get myself into?"

--

**There you go, hope you happy**

**I be out yo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Real sorry for not updating for a long time**

**Very long story as to why I was so late updating involving my laptop, the battery, and the stupid postal service. Pretty self explanatory actually if I think about it.**

**Whatever. Just read.**

**Don't own iCarly**

**--**

"Wow. I can't believe she actually said yes." Gibby said to Freddie while the two were walking into the school's main hallway the next morning.

"I know, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be ecstatic or terrified." He replied.

"Well, this is what you wanted right?" Gibby asked and Freddie nodded.

"Yeah, but I don't know what the hell is going to happen. She said she would help me, but…this is Sam Puckett were talking about, she's freaking insane." He replied.

"Yeah she is." He agreed. "Tough break buddy."

Freddie screwed his eyes at the boy walking beside him "That's all you have to say? I'm about to jump head first into the boiling pit of liquid hot magma that is Sam Puckett and all you have to say is 'tough break'?!" he shot at Gibby who was not affected by Freddie's outburst.

"Well, I was going to say you're putting the '_ouch'_ in grouch, but it didn't seem appropriate for the situation." He replied.

Freddie let out a defeated sigh "I'll see you at lunch Gibby."

"Bye!" he exclaimed cheerfully and went down the hall to his locker. Freddie hung his head and started to make his way towards his locker, and he felt fear and dread streak down his spine when he saw who was already there.

Sam Puckett.

'Why did she choose this day to be early?' he thought bitterly to himself as she slowly made his way to his locker. He got to his locker and noticed Sam didn't even look his way, so he made the best of the situation and quickly got his books and put them into his backpack, hoping to get out there as fast as he can.

Unfortunately, he had to talk to Sam. She was his 'girlfriend'…kind of…not really. Point is, he has to talk to her sometime, so why avoid the inevitable?

"Hey Sam." He greeted and she finally looked his way with a bored expression on her face.

"Hey loser." She greeted back.

"What? No using my name in some sort of elaborate insult like 'Freddork' or 'Fredly'?" he asked. "Finally running out of ideas?"

"Nah, I'm saving up for when Carly finally gives in and lets me do the one minute lightning round of insulting you using your stupid name for iCarly." She replied. "I've been practicing."

"How many can you do?" he asked.

"I'm up to 67, but I'm pushing for 75 by the end of the month." She shrugged and closed her locker.

"I'm sure you can do more." He sighed, not looking forward to that day when she does it…whether Carly lets her or not.

"But since you insisted on hearing one of my new ones-" she started.

"I don't want to hear a new one." He interrupted

"Since you insisted on hearing a new one," she continued. "I'll indulge you with one of my newer ones. Fredward Bensonian Institute." She stated proudly and he rolled his eyes and groaned.

"I can't believe I finally saw the day when your petty insults became somewhat intelligent." He intoned gravely and she smirked proudly.

"Well, when I was gluing the pages in your history book together, some things just came to me." She shrugged.

"I figured you were the one to do that." He said, grimacing at how much that text book was going to cost him.

"Probably." She agreed and then looked him up and down and scoffed "What gives Benson?" she asked and he was caught off guard.

"What?" he asked.

"Where's your shovel?" she asked and Freddie was thoroughly confused.

"My shovel?" he asked.

"Yeah, you're supposed to bury Ms. Briggs car today, or did you forget?" she asked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked.

"It's number 337 on the list Benson."

"You had 337 things on that list?!" he yelled incredulously.

"At least." She replied simply. "I stopped counting after awhile."

"The list on that paper wasn't nearly that long!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, like I'm going to show you my whole list." She replied sarcastically. Freddie sighed and buried his head in his hands, and massaged his forehead, knowing a migraine was coming. He can't say he's surprised though, this is Sam he is trying to deal with. "Now where is your shovel?" she asked him.

"I don't have a damn shovel Puckett!" he yelled, losing his cool and she narrowed her eyes at him, which made him shrink back of course.

"Don't raise your voice to me Benson." She growled and he sighed. "Now, since you didn't bring a shovel, I think I have something that would help you." She said.

He looked up and saw her rummaging through her backpack and she finally brought out a spoon. "Luckily I have a spoon." She said, tossing it at him.

"You want me to bury Ms. Briggs car…with a spoon?" he asked and she nodded. "That would take years!" he yelled and threw his hands in the air in frustration.

"You better be glad I didn't give you a fork."

Freddie groaned and took a look at the spoon, an odd green substance coating it, no doubt whatever Sam had for breakfast that morning, and he sure as hell didn't want to know what it was. "Can't I just use the spoon to gouge my eyes out and kill myself instead?"

"No taking the easy way out Benson." She warned and walked down the hall away from him.

"Hey I have to talk to you Sam!" he called after her before she left his sight.

"I know what you're gonna say!" she replied without turning around. "We'll tell her after school!" she replied and went around the corner. Freddie sighed heavily and banged his head against the lockers behind him repeatedly.

"You know, that probably isn't the healthiest thing you could do. Your mother would be disappointed." Came the all too familiar voice and Freddie turned to see his other best friend Carly Shay walking to her locker.

He immediately straightened up and tried to make himself more presentable, to which she just laughed "Calm down Freddie, you look fine."

He let out a nervous and shaky laugh and mentally slapped himself to get a grip on himself. "Sorry, there was a bee…in my…hair." He said and she rolled her eyes with an amused smile.

"Anyway, so who are you going to tell what after school?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Sam said 'We'll tell her after school'. So what's up?" she asked. Freddie didn't want to tell Carly alone that he and Sam were 'dating' so he did what he did best. He stalled.

"She didn't say that. She said that…for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. See ya Carly!" he exclaimed and went off to his next class, leaving a thoroughly confused Carly in his wake.

Oh yeah, he was the best at stalling

--

"Hey Sam, do you know where Freddie is? He's usually home by now." Carly asked her friend after school when they got back to her apartment.

"He's in detention for trying to bury Ms. Briggs car with a spoon. Yeah, I don't get that kid either."

--

**There ya go. **

**This chapter is what I affectionately call a "Garbage Chapter." It isn't that the content is garbage, it just doesn't advance the plot or storyline, and if it was gone, it wouldn't change the dynamic of the story. I don't usually do that, and I don't really like it when anyone else does it, but I felt I had to put something up because I didn't update for such a long time.**

**Personally, I'm kind of blah about this chapter, if that's an actual feeling. If it isn't, I want copyright**

**Hope you enjoyed it anyway**

**Peace**


	4. Chapter 4

**So…I'm not going to lie, I completely forgot I was actually writing this story as you may tell from not updating in literally half a year, but I was flipping through the files on my computer one day and I found the folder with this story in it, and I was surprised. I reread it and decided to continue it.**

**If you need a recap, Freddie is making Carly jealous with the help of Sam. That's pretty much it actually…**

**I don't own iCarly**

…

Freddie trudged up the stairs of Bushwell Plaza, his perfectly pressed clothes wrinkled and dirty from spending hours trying to bury Ms. Briggs' car with a spoon. He was only able to cover the front hood with dirt before she came running out and took the spoon away from him, and gave him so many detentions she had to make up a new number.

He looked at his watch and saw that his Mom would leave for the hospital in a few hours, and he didn't really feel like explaining to her why he was covered in dirt, sweaty, and has more detentions that Quaker has oats. He's fairly certain Ms. Briggs' was abusing her power by assigning him "Two kagillion detentions".

So he decided he would lay low at Carly's until she leaves, then go home and try to find a noose and a ceiling fan.

He walked into the apartment, seeing Carly and Sam sitting at the kitchen counter, drinking smoothies and talking. When he closed the door, they both looked up at him. Carly had a confused look on her face, and Sam was laughing obnoxiously. "Hey Dirty Dan, I heard what Briggs did to you." She said.

"You tried to bury Ms. Briggs' car with a spoon?" Carly asked. "What possessed you to do that?"

"Um…I was protesting. She really shouldn't be driving a SUV around, what with those gases…and stuff." He said lamely, sitting at the counter, slamming his head against the counter.

"Really? I never pegged you as a green guy." Carly replied.

"Oh I'm full of surprises." He grumbled out, and then realized that he and Sam still had to tell Carly that they were dating. "Hey Carly, can you go get my laptop from the studio? I need to update it." He lied quickly.

"Why do I have to go get it?" she asked, but started to make a move towards the elevator.

"Because you're young and spunky." He said and she laughed.

"Fine, be back in a second." She said and the elevator closed. Freddie turned to Sam, who had a bored look on her face, leaning against the counter.

"How do you want to tell her?" he asked quickly before she came back down.

"I don't know, maybe something like 'Hey Carly, were dating' but I guess that might be too complicated for you." She replied and he rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean Sam, how do we break it to her?" he asked.

"You let me handle that little Fredly. Just sit there and let me do the talking." She said, and he was reluctant, but decided he was too tired to fight with her.

"Fine, but don't be too blunt about it. I know that's like asking a horse not to gallop, but I'm serious." He said and she snorted.

"A horse not to gallop? You couldn't come up with a better analogy than that?" she asked.

"I did, but you would hit me if I said it." He said and she shrugged, and then hit him.

"I was going to hit you regardless." She said over his yelp of pain.

"Noted." He said, grimacing when he touched the place on his arm she hit.

"Sam play nice."Carly chided lightly when she came out of the elevator, and handed Freddie his laptop, to which he thanked her. She went around to the other side of the counter and sipped some more of her smoothie and watched her two friends.

"We have something to tell you Carls." Sam said suddenly.

"What is it?" she asked. "Does it involve the Seattle Police Department?" she asked, eyeing Sam.

"Not this time. For once." She said and Carly nodded. "It's about me and Freddie." She said.

"Freddie and I." Carly corrected, which received a glare from the blonde.

"Watch it Shay." She said and Carly chuckled, putting her hands up in a form of surrender.

"Carry on." She replied.

"Anyway," Sam proceeded. "Freddie and I…are going out." She said awkwardly, like the words were poison in her mouth and Freddie glared at her, telling to her to sell it better.

"Going out?" Carly asked. "Where?"

"No, not like that Carly." Freddie said. "Going out, as in _dating_." He clarified and Carly eyes widened and she looked taken aback.

"Dating, like boyfriend and girlfriend dating?" she asked and for reassurance and they both nodded, faces unreadable. She stayed stock still for a few moments, seemingly processing the information. Freddie was holding his breath, hoping, somewhat idiotically, that she would right away scream her love for him to the heavens in a fit of extreme jealousy and they could ride off into the sunset.

"Cool. I'm happy for you guys." Was her only reply, with a smile on her face. That threw both people off completely, and Freddie stood up, unable to control himself.

"We drop a bombshell like that on you and all you can say is 'cool'?" he asked frantically. "Aren't you shocked? Surprised? Jealous?" he asked and she rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

"I'm with Fredward on this one actually, shouldn't your reaction be bigger than this?" Sam asked.

"Not really. I kind of saw it coming anyway, everyone did." She explained, and this time the blonde jumped up.

"Whoa wait a second, not shocked is one thing, but _saw it coming_? You can't be serious." Sam said and Carly shrugged.

"Everyone can see it. I'm just glad you finally did it before I had to get involved." She said.

"But, but-" Freddie spluttered.

"Calm down Freddie, I'm okay with this." She reassured, clearly not understanding that he wasn't upset because she wouldn't be okay with, but that she _is _okay with it. "I'm glad to see you finally moved on. Your love for me was starting to get really creepy." She said and he was silent, ashamed and Sam just laughed and laughed.

"It is creepy alright." She said and Freddie just glared at her, but was unable to speak.

"But honestly congrats guys, I'm happy for you. But I have to run, I have to pick up Spencer. Apparently he didn't realize that he couldn't fit a five hundred pound cow on his motorcycle and it broke." She said and was met with confused stares from her friends. "Don't ask, because I didn't. See you in a few."

She made her way to the door and turned back briefly for a moment, a smirk on her face. "Don't get too comfortable." And with that she was gone, leaving two confused friends in her wake.

Finally Freddie was able to speak, and he hung his head. "She wasn't affected at all. At all! What the hell?" he exclaimed.

"I'm kind of hurt that people think we like each other, I mean do they even know us?" Sam asked and Freddie nodded.

"Yeah, but that isn't the point Sam. Carly was totally cool with it! She isn't supposed to be cool with it! She's supposed to get jealous, slap you, make out with me, and we all live happily ever after!" he exclaimed.

"First of all, if anyone is getting slapped, it's you Dorktron. And second of all, I told you this was going to happen. You ready to give up yet?" she asked with a smirk and he glared back.

"No, you signed up for two weeks and by God, were going for two weeks! I'm going to just have to step my game up and prove to her that she is jealous, and in no way shape or form, is happy that were a couple. She is disappointed and I will make sure she knows that I will go the ends of the earth to-" he said but was cut off by a jab to his ribs.

"Come off the soap box Fredward, no one cares about your nerd love." Sam said. "Plus, you need to be at my house in like ten minutes."

"Wait why?" he asked.

"My gutters aren't going to clean themselves, and my mom sure as hell isn't going to do it. Number thirty six on the list." She said and he sighed.

"If my mom comes looking for me, tell her I jumped off a bridge."

...

"All she said was 'cool'?" Gibby asked Freddie the next day at school. Freddie nodded grimly "That sucks man."

"That wasn't even the worst part though. She said she _expected it_. That she knew we were going to date, how ludicrous is that?" he asked with a bitter chuckle.

"Well it isn't as crazy as you may think. I mean the dynamic of your relationship if perfectly acceptable as an easy transition from that of a hate relationship, to that of a love-hate relationship, then eventually evolving into a love relationship altogether. In the terms of your current relationship, it isn't a stretch to believe that you two would form a bond based upon your arduous friendship that could survive the rigors of a normal relationship if indeed you were to form those romantic feelings, according of course to psychological nomenclature." Gibby replied, while Freddie just gaped at him.

"Gibby." He finally said and Gibby shrugged.

"Sorry man, it must be these new pills I'm taking. I'm still trying to get used to them." He replied and Freddie shook his head, trying to focus on what they were talking about before…that, whatever the hell that was.

"Anyway, Carly was completely unaffected, but I will not be deterred. Maybe if she sees Sam and I together she will understand why she should be jealous. I mean I'm a great guy!" he exclaimed.

"I know! You're awesome! If you were a chick, I would totally date you!" he exclaimed and suddenly everything became quiet and Freddie shook his head.

"Gibby, remember when I told you about that whole, 'awkward friendship' thing?" he asked.

"Yeah. You said not to say anything that would make you cringe…did I just do that?" he asked and Freddie nodded. "Oh…my bad. I got carried away for a second there."

"No problems, I knew what you meant. I think. You know what, just to be safe, let's never talk about what you just said ever again. Especially to Carly and Sam." He said and Gibby nodded.

"What did I say?" he asked and Freddie grinned.

"Good."

"No seriously what did I say, I kind of blacked out there for a second." He replied and Freddie shook his head, looking past him to see that Carly and Sam had entered the school and were heading his way.

"You said you love long walks on the beach and Galaxy Wars." Freddie said distractedly.

"Well I do love both those things." Gibby replied.

"Awesome, now get out of here, Sam and Carly are coming." He replied.

"Okay, see you later Freddie." He said, waving as he walked off down the hallway. Freddie turned to Carly and Sam, and Carly smiled at him while Sam rolled her eyes, not even pretending to be happy to see, like she should be. He shot her a glare for a second without Carly noticing and Sam glared back, but then gave the reluctant "Alright, I'll do what you want loser" look he was hoping for. But he definitely didn't like the evil glint in her eye.

"Hey Freddie." Carly greeted cheerily, opening her locker.

"Freddie!" Sam yelled and Freddie cringed. "How's my darling doing?" she asked and he was taken aback as she hugged him tightly. He looked down and saw her grinning at him. He mouthed that she was going over the top with it and she just smirked and continued to hug him.

"Hehe, um hi Sam." He said awkwardly, looking at Carly, who looked on with a mixture of disbelief that Sam was acting this way, and humor because Sam was acting this way. She also looked a little uncomfortable, but then again, who wasn't?

"Um, Sam _honey_, you're crushing my lungs." He breathed out and he could've sworn he heard her laugh at him.

"Oh I'm sorry Freddiebear, I just missed you so much!" she exclaimed, breaking the hug, in favor of a side hug on his right side. He tried to glare at her blonde hair, but didn't want to do it in front of Carly so she wouldn't get suspicious, so he just nervously laughed, staring at the floor intently.

"Freddie, do you want your text book back? Thanks for letting me borrow it." Carly said and he looked up to see her holding his book.

"Oh yeah, just let me." He tried to move, but Sam refused to let go of his side. "One sec Carls." He said, trying to reach his backpack on the ground, but unable to bend over and he huffed, growling lowly. "You know what, just keep it. I don't need it until third period anyway." He told her, glaring at Sam, no longer caring if Carly was there.

"Um okay." Carly replied and an awkward silence hit the group, Carly trying to busy herself in her locker, Freddie glaring at the floor like it wrong him in some way, and Sam still hugging his side. Freddie felt Sam's hand drift down his eyes widened and he stood up straight, trying to knock Sam's hand away.

But she was determined and soon enough her hand landed where it shouldn't and he was more than a little uncomfortable as he tried to squirm away from her hand, but with her latched onto him, he couldn't do very much. He just looked at Carly with a horrified look, but she made no move to do anything about it.

"Sam, hey don't…" he trailed off throwing glances between the two girls. "Don't touch my…you know you shouldn't do that…" he laughed, trying to make it sound sincere. "Sam that's my ass…my ass Sam…You're touching my ass!" he yelled, finally getting her hand and pulling it away.

"Yeah…I'm just going to go over and touch-I mean talk, to those people." Carly said and walked briskly off and when she disappeared around the corner he glared hard at Sam, who pulled away and just smirked back.

"What in the blue hell was that?" he exclaimed and she just laughed in his face.

"There, there's your girlfriend activity." She replied.

"Molesting me in public isn't girlfriend activity!" he yelled back.

"I know, I did that for kicks." She smirked and he growled.

"Tone it down Sam seriously. You actually have to be believable or this won't work." He said.

"You said for me to help you make her jealous. Whatever I do in this 'relationship' is purely up to me, and today I felt like embarrassing the hell out of you, like I do everyday anyway." She said and he sighed.

"Please Sam, just tone it down, I'm begging you here. For once in your life help me out and when this is over I won't ask for another favor again." He pleaded and she glared at him, and then huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I'll actually try to help you this time. I'll tone it down." She grumbled through gritted teeth.

"Thanks Sam." Freddie replied.

"Whatever. Just go write my essay and leave me alone." She said.

"What essay?" he asked.

"The one for English. Write it before fourth period or you'll be sorry." She said and he sighed.

"What number is that?" he asked.

She started to walk away from him "It isn't on the list, but do it anyway. It'll make your _girlfriend_ happy." She said, laughing all the way down the hall.

…

**If anyone actually remembers this story, I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I'm not holding my breath. But anyway, read and review. Rinse and repeat.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter. I'm really trying to work on updating in a timely manner, but like most things I work on, it's all eventually going to fail. It's how Pandastriker works baby, take it or leave it.**

**I don't own anything **

…

Freddie kicked a rock on the sidewalk and watched as it clattered and skipped against the pavement, before hopping into the street, and he didn't feel like going to get it, so he spotted another one and kicked that in front of him.

He glanced at Carly directly to the right of him who was walking home with him. She stayed after school to study while he had detention, and Sam had already gone home, or wherever she goes after school, and now they were walking back to Bushwell. He kicked the rock again, searching for something to say to break the silence between them.

But she broke it first. "So…" she began softly. "I had to run yesterday and I didn't get the chance to ask. How did it happen?" she asked.

"How did what happen?" he asked back.

"Don't play dumb Freddie. How did…you and Sam, you know, get together?" she asked.

"Oh." He paused. He hadn't thought about having a back story to a relationship out of the blue. He quickly racked his brain for a story that was believable, without sounding like he made it up on the spot. He laughed nervously "It wasn't all that special. I liked her, she liked me, insofacto, were dating." He came up with, instantly realizing that it sounded like a heaping load of bullshit.

"As much as you would like me to believe that, I'm not stupid. You and Sam don't, well didn't now I guess, have a relationship like that. You can't go from enemies to dating like that." She punctuated her point with a snap of her fingers. "So how about you tell me how it really happened."

He silently cursed the fact that Carly wasn't as gullible as he hoped she would be. But what could he possibly conceive that would make her believe that he and Sam are dating? It was such a convoluted idea that he and Sam would have feelings for each other past pure unadulterated hatred, that even the thought of coming up with a story in which that they confessed hidden romantic feelings for each other hurt his brain.

But then again, she said she expected it, and Gibby went on that odd rant on how they could possibly foster hidden feelings for each other, and it be perfectly acceptable. Therein lies the answer.

"I liked her for awhile now, and I was tired of waiting around for someone to get to her before me." He lied quickly. "I told her how I felt, and she felt the same way. I swear there is nothing more than that." He pleaded, hoping that his mother's lessons on how to lie to people just in case he was in a terrorist hostage situation paid off.

She eyed him with skepticism and he tried his hardest to sell it, and eventually her stare softened "Okay Freddie, I believe you for now. But you do realize that if I find out there is more to it than that, I will be very disappointed in you. Remember the whole telling each other the truth thing? I meant it."

"I know Carly, but I'm not lying." He said with false conviction and she accepted it.

"So does this mean you've given up on me?" she asked and he paled.

_Shit_.

"No! I mean yes. No I mean…" he trailed off, frantically trying to come up with something, anything, that would get them off of that topic. Of course he hadn't given up! But he can't say that, or she'll be super pissed and think that he was just using Sam to get to her, which in actuality, is exactly what he's doing. He just pushes down that pesky voice in his head that tells him even if Sam is in on it, it's still wrong to use her as a means to get to another more desirable, in his opinion, girl.

"Well, she is my girlfriend." He said simply, deciding to just let her draw her own conclusions, instead of just saying a flat out "Yes".

She seemed to ponder this, and Freddie couldn't help but foolishly hope it hurt her just a little bit to see him move on. That maybe she is actually jealous that he won't be falling over himself to compliment her and tell her he loved her. She didn't reply to him right away, which he chalked up as a point for him.

"It will be weird to not have you hit on me anymore." She teased, keeping her mood lighthearted and Freddie decided that he needed to turn up to heat for her to crack. She has to be disappointed or hurt he chose Sam, and damn it all if he isn't going to make her admit it!

"A good weird or a bad weird?" he asked.

"A good weird." She replied instantly and he grimaced.

"Are you sure? This means I won't call you pretty anymore, or offer you my coat, or hire a plane to write 'I love you Carly Shay' in the sky, or buy you flowers or any of that. I'll just be Freddie Benson, technical producer extraordinaire, without absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever." He said and she chuckled softly.

"Call me crazy, but it sounds like you _want_ me to be disappointed that you're taken." She replied, eyeing him and he reacted in a way only a Benson can. He freaked the hell out.

He stuttered "Pssh no." he said. "Why would I want you to be disappointed? Sam is my girlfriend. How dare you accuse me of such an offense Carly!" he pointed an accusatory finger at her and she just laughed.

"Calm down Freddie, I was joking." She replied, but he started panicking anyway.

"I can't believe you would think that! I don't like you like that anymore Carly! I moved on! Sam is who I like now! Yeah! I can't believe you think I'm using Sam!" he yelled this time Carly looked infinitely confused.

"Freddie, I didn't…" she started but he paid no heed.

"Shame on you Carly Shay! I can't believe you think so little of me to think I would use Sam to get to you!" he yelled.

"Freddie, I don't think…" but he continued.

"I'm a good person damnit! There is nothing wrong with me! Ask Gibby! He said he would date me if I was a girl!" he shouted, no longer in control of what he was saying.

"Freddie you're seriously starting to- wait Gibby said what?"

"I mean what's wrong with me! I dress nicely, I don't smell bad, I'm not ugly, and I'm smart! I always take others feelings into consideration, I don't get into trouble, why wouldn't someone want to date me? Sometimes I think…" but he trailed off when his mind caught up with his mouth. He froze, looking over at Carly who had an appalled look on her face.

"What?" was all she asked.

"What?" he repeated. "Um…there was a bee in my…hair."

"And you tried to get it off by yelling at it?" she asked, amusement back in her eyes.

"You need to be tough with these insects or they'll never learn." He replied.

"Freddie?" Carly asked. "Shut up."

"Yes ma'am."

…

"You can't be serious."

"I'm serious. I panicked and pretty much yelled all my insecurities at her without any regard for what I was saying." Freddie replied and Sam fell to the floor laughing at his expense.

"That's so hilarious I could cry. But I'm not going to, because I'm not a little bitch, unlike some people in this room." She prodded and laughed harder, her face starting to turn red.

"It isn't that funny Sam." He said and she shook her head, finally getting to her hands and knees, but still laughing at him.

"It's wonderful is what it is." She said, her laughter dying down as she got up off Carly's apartment floor.

"Maybe from your view point, but not mine." He glared at her.

"You have to admit, when you freak out, you go all the way. No half assed freak outs with Fredward Benson, not at all. It's one of the many reasons berating you is my favorite past time." She replied and he rolled his eyes.

"Trust me, you've done irreparable damage to me." He replied.

"I know right?" she said, sounding proud. "With a mother like yours and friends like me, it's a wonder why you haven't shot up the school yet."

"Probably because I have self-control, something you don't even know the definition of." He said.

She scoffed "Who needs self-control? Live life to the fullest Fredward, isn't that what all those songs that sound alike say?"

"Yeah, and they're all sung by rock stars who get doped up on heroin and kill strippers. They sound like wonderful people with a message." He replied sarcastically.

"It's the American dream Fredders, of course you wouldn't know that, you communist." She replied and he just rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, to get us back on track." He said, shoot her a look. "I may have taken a step back in the whole 'Make Carly jealous' plan with my little outburst. But I will not be discouraged. We'll just have to try harder."

"I don't want to try harder." She complained, flopping onto the couch.

"Then we'll not try harder, but try _smarter_." He replied and she gagged.

"That was such a corny and cheesy line that I threw up in my mouth a little. With motivational lines like that in your arsenal, you'll make a wonderful desk jockey you nerd. You might as well tell me to 'think outside the box'" She prodded.

"Think outside the box? How about this, screw the box and just think." He said and she laughed. "What I'm talking about is actually doing something couple-y and maybe she'll realize what she's missing."

"She isn't missing much." Sam replied.

"We should go on a date." He said, pretending he didn't hear her insult. "That way, she'll know were serious and she'll get jealous."

"I'm not spending any more time with you than I have to Freidiot." She replied.

"Then what do you call this?" he asked, gesturing to them in the empty apartment.

"We're waiting for Carly and Spencer to get back from the store, so it isn't voluntary on my part. So about your date idea, count me out. I have plenty of other things I can do besides hanging out with a sweaty nerd." She replied.

"Okay first and foremost we need to have a talk. There are differences in geeks, nerds, dorks, dweebs and every other slanderous term you refer to me with. I enjoy computers, but I do not sweat a lot. Sweaty nerds are fat guys with neck beards who go into fits of nerd rage when a new video game comes out, and I definitely do not fit into that category." He said and she just laughed at him.

"That's a great story and all, but I couldn't care less. You all look alike to me anyway." She replied and he rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. But we need to do a date at least once in these two weeks or she'll probably get suspicious." He said and Sam groaned.

"Can't you just tell her were on a date and go hide in your nerd cave while I live my life?" she asked, sitting up on the couch, placing her hand on her stomach. "I'm hungry, make me a sandwich."

"Absolutely not." He replied and she narrowed her eyes.

"Number 128." She growled and he groaned, making his way to the kitchen.

"Anyway, we can't just tell her were on a date and just avoid her. There are too many pitfalls, most of them expressed in the form of bad 1980s sitcoms." He said from the kitchen, making her a ham sandwich.

"No, I already ruined my reputation by agreeing to be your 'girlfriend', and I draw the line at being seen in public with you." She said, getting up to make sure he was making the sandwich right.

"All I'm asking you for is one fake date, dinner and movie or something where you actually look like you want to be there." He said to her when she appeared behind him, peering over his shoulder.

"But that's the thing, I don't _actually_ want to be there." She said. "Put more mayonnaise on it." She instructed and he did.

"You think I want to be there as well? It's something we have to do though. You agreed to help me Sam, and this is just another way to help me." He said.

"And I agreed back in seventh grade not to rip your arms off and beat you with them, but it looks like both might be broken tonight." She glared at him when he turned around and gave her the sandwich.

"One date is all Sam. One date in which I pay for your food and your movie ticket. Just think of it as a free meal and free entertainment." He reasoned.

"But I have to spend it with you, and that's a deal breaker my friend." She said, walking back over to the counter and putting the plate down.

"One date to see how Carly reacts." He said, trying to will her not to be extremely stubborn.

"She's going to act the same exact way Fredesperate when she learned we were dating. She'll be surprised, a little uncomfortable, then be okay with it. Have you ever heard of just cutting your loses and quit? I'm sure there's a beautiful, slightly retarded, girl out there you can con into loving you." She replied, taking a bite of the sandwich. She looked at it and shrugged "It's alright, had better though." She said, mouth full of food.

"One date." He repeated.

"No." she replied simply.

"Oh come on, I won't even make you wear something nice!" he said and she shook her head.

"Not good enough." She denied.

"You know I can relentlessly annoy you until you agree to it." He said.

"And you know I can put you in an arm bar until the bone snaps." She shot back and he sighed, hanging his head.

"Come on Sam, you've helped me up to this point, can't you just help now as well?" he asked and she laughed at him. "Alright listen. We do dinner, wherever you want and you can order whatever you want, how much you want. You can choose the movie and the seats and the snacks and everything."

"I have to admit, watching you grovel at my feet is rather entertaining." She mused. "And order anything I want?"

"Anything, absolutely anything." He replied.

She mulled it over for a second, before finally shrugging "Fine, whatever. One date and only one date. And were going to the most expensive sounding place I can think of, and I'm ordering the lobster, wrapped in a steak…with curly fries."

He let out a breath "Thank you Sam." He said, then sighed. "I'll just have to think of way to pay for it all."

"Not my problem." Sam replied.

"I'm sure my aunt can afford a second mortgage."


	6. Chapter 6

**Glad to see me? I know I am**

**Please forgive Gibby's inner monologue later in this chapter. I figure that when left to his own thoughts, he would ramble about random things and not double back, that seems to be his characterization in the show, and I know a lot of people are like that. (Guilty). So I rambled as well, and this is what pretty much came out. I ramble to solve problems...**

**I don't actually solve any problems…**

…

"So…a date huh? That sounds…terrifying?" Gibby stated.

"Pretty much, it's like I'm going into the lion's den strapped with pounds and pounds of meat on my back and my only weapon is a turkey leg." Freddie replied. "And the messed up part about it is, that isn't even a metaphor."

"If that's your idea, then why even suggest a date with her?" he asked.

"Because I need to press the issue of me dating Sam to Carly. Simply telling Carly obviously wasn't enough, so I have to brave a date with the blonde haired bane of my existence to show Carly that this is for real." He replied.

"So how is Carly going to know you're going on a date with Sam?" he asked.

"Tell her obviously. She'll want to hang out and I'll tell her were going on a date." He said obviously. "And she'll be so heartbroken that she'll run into my arms and beg me to dump Sam, it's simple really."

"Dude, I say this because you're my bro, but I think you need to meet my therapist. She's a real nice lady I promise." Gibby said, putting a comforting hand on Freddie's shoulder.

"I don't need a therapist Gibby. I am a well adjusted teenage boy-" he started but Gibby finished for him.

"Who's going on a date with a girl he hates, to try to make another girl jealous, who in the six years they've known each other, has not expressed a single second of romantic feeling towards him." He said and Freddie glared at him.

"We dated for awhile…" he defended weakly.

"For what? Two days?" he said and Freddie rolled his eyes.

"Whatever Gibby. Point is, I don't need a therapist because this plan is totally going to work. When she sees us on a date, I know she's going to get jealous." He replied.

"But how is she going to see the date? I'm fairly certain a date involves only an even number of people, well unless you're a polygamist, in which case you probably shouldn't be out in public because it's against the law. On that note, how do those guys do it man? Remember that many birthdays and anniversaries? Unless he has a calendar or something…" he trailed off. "What were we talking about again?"

Freddie shook his head and refocused "We were talking about Carly seeing mine and Sam's date."

"Oh that's right. So how are you going to manage that?" he asked.

"I'm glad you asked." He said, grinning. "Carly needs a reason to go the exact places were going, so she sees us having a good time and-"

"How are you going to get Sam to have a good time?" Gibby interrupted.

"I'm going to stuff Sam with so much food she won't have a choice to look displeased. It's impossible for Sam to look mad or disappointed or anything while she has food in front of her." He replied.

"Ah, good plan." He agreed.

"So anyway, we need to get someone to take Carly to the restaurant and theatre were going to, but not make it look obvious." He said, still grinning at Gibby, who was oblivious.

"What about Dan Henson?" he asked and Freddie's face fell.

"No Gibby, he's a football player, and rule one is the guy can't be better looking than me, or taller, or bigger, or smarter you get the point." He said. "No, I was thinking someone else entirely. Someone who is a good friend to Carly, someone who will make sure she sees us, someone who enjoys taking his shirt off…"

"Who is that?" Gibby asked, still oblivious.

"Come on Gibby think about it. Who enjoys taking their shirt off? You know him." he hinted.

"Matthew McConaughey?" he asked.

"No! I was talking about you Gibby! Wait, you know Matthew McConaughey?" he asked.

"Were in the same clothing optional break dancing class." He said.

"Oh…can you get me an autograph?" he asked and Gibby nodded. "Cool. Anyway, I was talking about you Gibby."

"You want me to take Carly to follow you two?" he asked and Freddie nodded.

"Yeah. You and Carly are good friends, I can trust you to make sure she notices us, and you won't overshadow me." He said.

"Oh I see." He said, then realization dawned in his eyes. "Hey man, that's not cool. I'm a good looking guy!"

"I'm just saying that Carly doesn't see you as a possibly romantic partner. And don't get me wrong, you're a solid seven and half, but I think I'm at least an eight. At least according to that list in the girls bathroom stall." He said and Gibby gave him an odd look. "I convinced Carly to tell me what I was ranked one time."

He sighed "I can't argue though, you are pretty adorable."

"Gibby…" Freddie warned.

"Oh sorry, awkward comment again." He said sheepishly, looking down.

"Regain your man points." Freddie instructed.

"Um, chest hair, motorcycles, lifting weights, and Steven Seagal movies." He reeled off, looking back up and Freddie nodded.

"Good. Now, I want you to ask Carly to eat dinner with you and go to a movie with you, and I'm fairly certain she'll want to." He said.

"Why do you think that?" Gibby asked.

"Because, I'm telling Carly tonight that Sam and I are going on a date Friday night and she'll not want to spend a Friday night alone, and that's when you swoop in and offer to hang out with her on Friday, and she'll definitely say yes." Freddie explained and Gibby nodded.

"Any lines you have that will help me convince Carly to come with me?" he asked.

"Dude, if I had 'lines' that would make Carly go out with me, I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. Just calm down and say it's a friend thing, not a date you'll be fine. I need your help Gibby, can you step up to the plate?" he asked his friend.

"I'll step up to the plate, and score a touchdown in the bottom of the 18th hole for you buddy." He said with confidence.

"Maybe we should stick with Galaxy Wars references, we don't do sports too well." Freddie decided and Gibby shrugged.

"Maybe you're right."

…

"A date on Friday night?" Carly asked for clarification and both Sam and Freddie nodded. Gibby was off to the side, trying not to eavesdrop into the conversation, figuring it was supposed to be just between the threesome, even though he was dragged into this whole situation, based solely on the fact that he seemed to be Freddie's only guy friend. Well, one that he talked to regularly at least.

He sat on Carly's couch and fiddled with the loose threads that hung on the cushions, pondering if they would ever allow the threesome to become a foursome. He has plenty to contribute to the group! Comic relief, extensive knowledge of break dancing, a high threshold for pain (for Sam, obviously), and for God sakes, every group of friends needs a shirtless guy! Do they not know this?

But he figures he probably is already semi in the group anyway. Freddie likes him, Carly likes him, and Sam has a begrudging acceptance of him, which is the most he's ever going to get out of Sam. Can he officially call himself an iCarly-er? Because he would love to put that on his resume when he becomes a male model in his future. And maybe as a bumper sticker? _Note to self, make iCarly bumper stickers_.

Yeah, it will read "I've been on iCarly like a hundred times, what have you done with your life?" or "iCarly? It's Gnarly!" Does that even make sense? It rhymes at least, but he can do better. Plus, gnarly is just a terrible word. Its silent "G" is mocking you every time you write it with its uselessness, staring back at you, just daring for you to erase it, but then you would spell it wrong and fail English because for one, you spelled it wrong, and two, you have to be half an idiot to even put the word in an English assignment in the first place.

_Stupid Mr. Howard_. Oh I have a college education and tenure, and I'm sooo much better than you so I'm going to fail you for a stupid word and make you repeat the class with a bunch of bastard freshman that have barely begun to fight the losing battle against puberty, and they keep asking you if you've lost your "V-card" because they're too embarrassed to actually ask if you've banged a chick. Well you want the answer you little son of a bitch? Go ask your mother.

But that isn't really a nice thing to say. Plus most people who say mom jokes are just violent tools, who probably never even met your mother. They simply just can't come up with anything witty to say, so they revert to something every guy has in common, love for their mother.

Just look at Freddie. Even Gibby can tell he gets fed up with her all the time, but he never lets it get to him, because she's his _mom_. You don't mess with a guy's mom, it's part of the Man Code, article seventeen, section four, paragraph five. And he obeys the Man Code, tries to at least. But for some reason, people don't really go after girl's moms, it's odd.

Example, Sam and Carly. Sam doesn't give a shit, and people don't mess with her anyway, but no one talks about Carly's mom, especially since she isn't in the picture. Her Dad is though, kind of. He's someone military guy out on a submarine.

What would it be like in a submarine? He has to figure it would be kind of cool. All dark and stuff under the ocean, looking at fish and walruses. Do walruses live down in the ocean? But it would probably get cramped and stuff, and the food probably sucks. And how would you take a shower? Doesn't the water have to go somewhere? You can't just put a hole in a submarine to let water out, because you'll let water in… and what if you get swallowed by a giant whale?

_Oh so THAT'S what the torpedoes are for_. That makes sense, have to blast your way out somehow right? But the whale probably wouldn't like that, it would mess up his teeth and stuff, not to mention the whole "instantaneous death thing". That seems to be rather important.

"Gibby, earth to Gibby!"

He looked up to see Freddie looking down at him with an amused smile and an arched eyebrow, Sam standing next to him, chewing on a chicken leg, looking at him with disdain. "What were you thinking about?" he asked and Gibby shrugged.

"You know, the usual. You know what's a terrible word? Gnarly." He said as Freddie flopped down onto the couch next to him, Sam sitting across from them in a chair, not paying attention.

"Gnarly?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah, it's a terrible word. It just leaves a bad taste in your mouth." He said.

"Gnarly ?" Freddie said, then mulled it over. "Wow, it is pretty terrible. Plus that whole silent "G" is weird."

"The silent "G" pisses me off! The word is almost as bad as moist." He said.

"Moist isn't all that bad." Freddie argued.

"Okay fine, think of your grandmother saying something is moist." He said and Freddie looked up, then suddenly looked appalled.

"That's terrible!" he said disgusted.

"I know right!" Gibby exclaimed.

"I'm not sure why I haven't said this earlier, but both of you, shut the hell up." Sam snapped and both went silent as she got up. "I'm going home, come along Fredward."

He groaned and got up "What is it now?" beginning to follow her out the door.

"My mom is dating a Spanish guy this week, and she needs a translator. Number 74." She said and Freddie rolled his eyes, before turning back towards Gibby.

"Carly's in the studio, go talk to her." He said and Gibby nodded as Freddie left the apartment. Gibby got up off the couch and ventured up the stairs, wondering why she went up in the first place.

He got to the studio and looked through the glass door to see her sitting in a bean bag, a book opened up in front of her. He opened the door "Sup Carly." He greeted and she turned around and smiled at him.

"Hey Gibby." She greeted, patting the bean bag next to her. He jumped down onto it and put his hands behind his head.

"So how's it going?" he asked and he saw her pause, then close the book in her lap.

"Can I talk to you about something?" she asked, turning towards him, sounding serious, and maybe a hint of apprehension.

"Yeah, what's on your mind?" he asked, not shifting his body, but listened intently.

"It's about Freddie and Sam." She said. "And I feel like you're the only person I can talk about this with." She said and he couldn't help but smirk.

_Oh yeah, he's definitely in the group now._

"Well, shoot." He replied easily.

She sighed "I know I'm supposed to be the supportive best friend and all, and be totally okay with their relationship, but I don't know if I am." She began. "If they're going to run off together all the time and leave me alone, I don't know how long I can act like I'm cool with it you know?"

"Well, no one said you had to be okay with it. Hell, I'm pretty sure they expected you _not _to be okay with it." He replied.

"But that's the thing, I am okay with it, I think I am at least. My problem is with them, you know, leaving me." She said and he nodded.

"Third wheel thing?" he asked and she nodded.

"Yeah. I'm glad Sam found someone finally, and I'm…glad Freddie found someone, but not if it means I'm going to be uncomfortable for the rest of my life around both of them." She said and then she laughed shortly. "I probably sound so selfish right now."

"You can't help how you feel." He said.

"I just don't want to lose them is all. And that's why I said I had homework and went up here, I didn't really want to be around them if they're together, I would just feel too uncomfortable." She said and he felt a twinge of doubt creep up, wondering if he has to put her through spying on their "Date". But Freddie seems hell bent on this idea, and he didn't want to be one to mess it up. Let Freddie do that on his own.

"Well, it sucks to be on the outside, trust me I know, but as time goes by it will get better." He said and she smiled slightly. "But are you sure you just aren't jealous, even a little bit? You call me if you are." He said and she rolled her eyes with an amused smile.

"I am not jealous, I don't know why everyone keeps asking me that." She replied.

"Come on, your two best friends starting dating and you aren't just a little jealous? It's perfectly natural." He pressed and she shook her head.

"Nope, I'm just a little upset that apparently I can't spend as much as I want to with them anymore." She said.

"Hey, you still got me." He replied and she laughed and nodded.

"Oh thank God I still have a Gibby." She said.

"It's what I'm here for." He replied smoothly, causing her laugh some more. "So since they're going out on Friday, why don't you hang out with me?" he asked.

"I don't know." She teased. "What can you offer me?"

"I think the real question is, what can't I offer you?" he said.

"Are…are you flirting with me?" she asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Not at all, I'm just a Gibby trying to help a friend out who looks like she needs a person to talk to, and maybe a cheeseburger, you're looking pretty thin." He said and she rolled her eyes and nodded her head.

"Alright, we'll hang out Friday night. But no promises on the cheeseburger."


	7. Chapter 7

**Alright, here's the deal with the next two chapters. This chapter is the date night from the Gibby/Carly perspective, and the next chapter is the same date night from the Freddie/Sam perspective. So, in summation, two chapters, one night.**

**Fair warning, I have not an idea where the hell this chapter came from. I just sat down and starting writing and…this came out. I can only hope you don't tar and feather me for making it so absolutely ridiculous. Of course, most of this show is absolutely ridiculous in the first place, so maybe it fits.**

**In any case, have fun.**

**I don't own anything I mention. It's easier that way.**

…

"So I tell the guy, poker? I hardly know her!" Gibby said with a resounding laugh, turning on his left hand blinker of his car, then leaning back to wait for the light to turn green.

"I don't get it." His female companion stated, looking at him from the passenger seat.

"So I tell the guy, poker? I hardly know her!" he repeated, louder this time.

"You yelling it at me doesn't make me get it, or make it any funnier." She replied to him.

"Poker? It sounds like poke-her…get it? Poke-her, I hardly know her…" he trailed off, willing her to understand the joke.

"No I get that, but why would it be funny to poke someone? That's pretty boring, not to mention rude." She said and he sunk his head. "Green light." She instructed and he looked up to see the neon green staring back at him and he lurched the car forward, turning onto another street.

"No, poke-her doesn't literally mean poke-her, it means…you know, _that_." He said cryptically and Carly shook her head at him.

"Well what else could poke mean?" she asked.

"Sex Carly, it's sex. It's just another way to describe sex." He said bluntly, tired of trying to get her to understand.

She was silent for a moment, before pulling a face "That's awkward."

"Well it is now that I had to explain it to you!" he exclaimed, and this time she actually laughed. "What do you find the joke funny now?"

She snickered a little "No, you just look like a dyslexic lemming when you're frustrated. It's cute, in the 'Aw, he's chewing on an eraser shaped like Bugs Bunny.' way."

He pondered it for a moment, imagining it and he laughed "Yeah, you're right, that is hilarious. Although I kind of saw myself as a 'confused elder chimpanzee that just wishes things would go back to the way they were.'" He said and she laughed with him.

"I'm not sure which is more frightening, the fact that we had that conversation, or the fact that I understood it." She said as he turned into the parking lot of a restaurant she had never been to before. "Where are we?" she asked.

He parked the car and pulled the parking brake up "It's a little place I came to one day after my meeting with the Duke of Kettle corn my lady." He said in a bad British accent, before getting out of the car and quickly going to the other side to let her out.

He opened the door to her laughing "Why thank you my lord." She replied in a worse British accent, and he grinned back at her. "It is rather chivalrous of you to assist me in my endeavors, cheerio and all that." She giggled, breaking the accent as he pulled her to the front door of the restaurant.

She looked up at the sign above the restaurant, then back at Gibby with a confused expression gracing her features "Where the hell are we?" she asked.

"We are at the _Vous Trop Cher Pour La Nourriture de Merde_. It's French, I think. I was never really good with other languages." He said.

"Ooh, foreign. I like it." Carly praised, looking at the place. "So that's why you made me dress up to come to dinner." She said, gesturing to her dress and he shrugged. "But this place looks really expensive Gibby." She said, concern in her face.

He shrugged again "Don't worry about it. I'm not paying for it." He said and she stared at him, her eyebrow arching. "You aren't either."

"Then who is?" she asked slowly, fearing that he was going to casually mention a third member to their party, or one of them selling drugs to school children. Or worse, a third member to their party that sells drugs to school children.

"Freddie." He stated.

"Why would Freddie pay for you and me to have dinner at an expensive restaurant?" she asked.

"Um he's a nice guy?" he said, but she continued to stare him down, so he thought quickly on his feet "Freddie felt bad about leaving you alone on a Friday, so when I told him we were going to hang out, he offered… to pay." He cringed at how stupid that sounded.

But she seemed to accept it "So you decided on an expensive place because someone else is fitting the bill?"

"Sure, let's go with that." He said, offering his arm to escort her into the restaurant.

"Alright then." She said, and still looked skeptical, but took his arm anyway and entered the restaurant. When they entered, she noticed it looked as she expected it to look. Dimly lit, flowers hanging from the rafters, waiters looking like they were being paid minimum wage, but had to act like they were as fancy as the restaurant, and the music was in eight different languages, none of them English.

"I've never been here before." Gibby leaned to whisper in her ear. "But just in case we need a back-story, I'm a rich entrepreneur who invented tiny frozen pancakes, and you're my mail order trophy wife who only speaks German."

"I don't speak German." She whispered back.

"It's okay, I don't either." He replied and she just shook her head as they got to the podium, where a very bored looking employee was leaning, staring at the ceiling. They stood there for a few seconds before he finally noticed their presence.

"Hey, welcome to…I'm sorry folks, I really don't give a damn anymore." He said, sighing, looking up at them. "I put my two week notice in like a week and a half ago and this is my last shift here, and I have like five minutes left. So welcome to this hellhole that I've sunk four years of my life into, do you have reservations?"

"Yes we do my good man. I am Sir Charles Gibson of…Bushwell, and this is my wife…Ivana…Hump." He said in his bad British accent and Carly instantly hit him on the shoulder.

"Gibby!" she shrieked, and he just shrugged and sent a sheepish glance at her.

"Are you shitting me or is your name really Ivana Hump?" the employee asked and she continued to glare at Gibby.

"I'm sorry my good fellow, but she only speaks German." Gibby told the man and he just rolled his eyes.

"Of course she does. Like I said before, I honestly don't give a shit anymore. But you do have reservations, and your table is…somewhere over there." He pointed towards the back of the restaurant. "Hey Antonio! Take these people away from me so I can go home! The noose isn't going to tie itself!" he yelled back at the kitchen, and walked off, leaving the two alone.

"When we leave we are going to have a serious discussion about your relationship with women!" she whispered frantically into his ear. "First that terrible joke in the car and now Ivana Hump? You know, you should be more respectful of…"

"Nag, nag, nag you're really playing this wife thing well." He said and she snarled at him and he gulped, but was saved by a tanned man walking up to them, a towel draped over his arm.

"Hello, my name is Antonio Rodrigo de Marché, and I will be your server tonight." He said, his voice thick in a Spanish accent.

"My name is Sir Charles Gibson of Bushwell, but you may just call me Sir Charles Gibson. This is my wife Ivana…" he trailed off when he received a hard glare from Carly "…Smith."

"Very good Sir Charles Gibson, may I lead you to your table?" he asked, turning and motioning for them to follow him. Carly elbowed Gibby hard in ribs and smirked triumphantly when he whispered an apology.

Gibby looked around the restaurant for any sign of Freddie and Sam. He got there exactly ten minutes after they did like they had coordinated, and by the way Freddie set up the reservations, they were supposed to pass their table while getting to theirs, and they were only going to be a few tables away from them. But he didn't have to look long, because Antonio was violently pulled off his path when he passed a certain table.

"Hey Antonio! Bring me some more of that bread you brought, or I'll eat your arm instead!" a familiar voice yelled at the tanned man, and he looked fearful.

"Ye-Yes Madam Belalcàzar, anything you want. Anything for you, great Conquistador?" he asked the man opposite her and he just shook his head.

"Is that Freddie and Sam?" Carly asked Gibby and he just shrugged, reaching the table to see that it was in fact Freddie and Sam. Carly looked at Gibby with a confused expression, but he just shrugged, playing it off as a coincidence.

Freddie looked up to see them, relief flooding into his eyes "Oh look, it's Gibby and Carly! What an odd coincidence!" he said loudly, obviously a little nervous as well. "Isn't it odd Gibby?" he pressed.

"Oh um…yeah! What a…situation?" he replied.

"Hey guys, I'm surprised to see you here." Carly said, and Gibby took in her expression as not skeptical, and he let out a sigh of relief. But Sam looked up, just now realizing someone else was there, and she saw Gibby and Carly, and she looked shocked for a moment, taking them in. But she quickly put two and two together, and her stare hardened into a glare she aimed at Freddie.

"You little son of-"

"Bread!" Freddie yelped, his voice cracking slightly with nervous chuckles "Have some more bread Sam!" he said, shoving some of his bread on her plate. "You're a growing girl and such!"

"Freddie…I swear to everything holy that I'm going to…" Carly and Gibby didn't hear the rest of her threat because Gibby pushed Carly away towards Antonio who was at their table, so Sam wouldn't blab something Carly wasn't supposed to hear.

"Here you are Sir Charles Gibson, and the lovely Ivana Smith." He said with a smile and they sat down at the table. "I will be right back with your bread and to get your drink orders." He said and swiftly walked away.

"I still hate the name Ivana." She said to Gibby and he laughed.

"It was the only thing I could of on the spot. Look at it this way, at least you don't have to talk to anyone, because they think you don't speak English." He pointed out.

"But I like talking, being silent sucks, especially when you're the person who has to speak for me." She said, glaring playfully at him and he grinned. "But it is weird that Sam and Freddie are here as well."

"Heh yeah…weird." He said and noticed she was staring at their table, and allowed himself to think that maybe Freddie had the right idea, that this date idea wasn't a total failure like Gibby expected all of Freddie's plans to be, but she didn't look long, and she refocused back on him.

"Anyway, what's the real reason you brought me to this fancy place? This doesn't seem like the place for two friends to hang out on a Friday night." She ventured, looking at him with an arched eyebrow.

"I like acting like a rich guy?" he said and her expression didn't change. How was he supposed to explain it to her? He couldn't exactly tell her the truth, or Freddie would have two women who want to rip him limb from limb.

"Is this a date Gibby?" she asked and his eyes widened and he shook his head from side to side.

"Ha, you wish it was a date." He replied.

"Then why did you bring me here?" she asked.

"You looked hungry." He replied and she sighed.

"I'm serious Gibby, what's the deal?" she questioned and he honestly contemplated just telling her what was going on, to save his own self, but he was too good of a friend to do that to Freddie. So maybe he could swallow his pride just this once, for the sake of a friend. Who at the end of the night owes him a lot more than just a free dinner and movie tickets.

He let out a sigh "Fine. I may have tricked you into going on a date with me." He said, bowing his head and looking at her out of the corner of his eye, gauging her reaction.

She just sat there for a second, and then just simply smiled "Just to let you know, you didn't have to trick me into a date. You just had to ask, I would have said yes." She said and he smiled back briefly, but then realized what she said and fear struck down his spine.

"If you could just excuse me for a moment." He said nervously, sliding out of his chair and he nearly sprinted to Freddie's table, leaving a bewildered Carly behind. He got to the table quickly, and saw Sam and Freddie in conversation.

"No way, a possum would totally defeat a housecat in mortal combat." Sam said, a piece of bread hanging out of her mouth.

"A housecat has experienced the joys of living in a safe environment. It would be more driven to keep its lifestyle." Freddie replied, sipping his water.

"A possum lives a more dangerous life, and he is street smart. He'll take down a pampered housecat any day." She said back.

"Not necessarily. If they're both in a gladiator arena, being street smart wouldn't help a possum anyway. The housecat is more agile, and can outmaneuver a possum." Freddie said, then finally looked up to see Gibby standing there. "Hey Gibby, what's up?"

"We have a serious problem." Gibby said quickly and Freddie looked confused.

"When don't you have a problem?" Sam asked him, but he ignored her.

"We need to talk." Gibby said, pulling Freddie away from the table.

"I'll be back." He said to Sam before he got too far away. Gibby pulled him in front of the hallway leading to the bathrooms, before Freddie pulled his arm away.

"What's going on Gibby, what's wrong?" he asked as Gibby began pacing back in forth in the restaurant, earning a few curious glances he didn't pay heed to.

"Dude, I think Carly _likes _me." He said and Freddie's jaw dropped.

"You can't be serious." Freddie replied slowly and Gibby shook his head.

"I'm completely serious. She kept pushing and asking why we're here, and how two friends hanging out don't come to places like this, and I couldn't tell her the truth! I said that I tricked her into a date with me, hoping she would just drop it, but then she said 'You didn't have to trick me Gibby, I think your super hot, and totally cool, and definitely not a mermaid.' I might be paraphrasing though. Point is, I think she likes the idea of a date with me!" he ranted, causing more glances his way from the other patrons of the restaurant.

Freddie was silent, dumbstruck at his friend's rant. But he finally composed himself "What the _hell_ Gibby? You made Carly like you?"

"It's not my fault my rugged good looks, undying charm, and witty nature has captured the hearts of millions, including Carly!" he responded, throwing his hands in the air.

"You're supposed to helping _me_ woo Carly, not making her like you! I can't believe you're going to stab me in the back like this!" he yelled.

"I'm not stabbing you in the back! I don't think I like Carly back, but she likes me man! I'm not going to intrude on you, I was just trying to help!" he retorted, and more and more stares were being issued to the freaking out duo.

"Oh you helped alright, helped ruin my plans!" he yelled at him. "You didn't like my plans to get Carly to begin with, and now I see why! You want her for yourself!"

"Damnit dude, no I don't! I was just being myself, and she liked me! I swear that I wasn't trying to steal her or anything like that! I wouldn't do that to a friend, you know that." Gibby said and Freddie continued to glare at him, before looking away and swearing under his breath.

"Damnit Gibby." He tried again, but sighed. "I guess it isn't your fault. But what are we going to do now? If she likes you, she won't like me, and that's the plan!"

"I don't think there is anything we can do! I think we just have to hope she starts to not like me or something." He replied.

"You could act like a complete prick to her, and make her not like you." Freddie offered, but Gibby shook his head vehemently.

"You're my friend and all, but I'm not going to lose Carly as a friend because you need to eliminate me as 'competition for Carly's heart'." Gibby said and Freddie nodded.

"Yeah, I guess it would be cruel of me to ask you to piss off Carly. Just don't try anything funny and maybe she'll just think it's a little crush or something." He said and Gibby was going to respond, before the sound of a clearing throat made them turn to the source.

They saw Antonio, with a few other waiters behind him as back up apparently. "Sir Charles Gibson, Conquistador Sebastiàn de Belalcàzar, please take your seats. You are disturbing the other guests tonight."

"Oh sorry old chap." Gibby said.

"Mis disculpas, mi amigo." Freddie responded and they followed him back to their tables. "Sir Charles Gibson?" Freddie whispered to Gibby in question.

"Back story. I'm a rich entrepreneur with a mail order German wife named Ivana Hump. Sebastiàn de Belalcàzar?" he asked back.

"Same. Decedent of a Spanish Conquistador with a pregnant American wife. I have to explain somehow why she's going to eat three times her body weight in food." He replied and Gibby nodded in understanding.

Gibby made it back to the table to find Carly with an accusing look on her face "Have fun?"

He rubbed the back of his head and smiled sheepishly "Sorry I ran off there. I had to talk to Freddie about…Galaxy Wars stuff." He said.

"In the middle of both of our dates?" she asked and he cringed when she said the word 'date', but he tried to not let it show.

"It was really important." He replied and she just rolled her eyes with an amused laugh.

"Antonio Rodrigo de Marché came by so I just ordered you a peppy cola." She said, trying to add a Spanish accent to his name, to which he laughed at.

"Thanks doll." He replied.

"Doll?" she asked.

"I'm trying it out." He replied.

"Don't."

"Point taken."

Dinner went by relatively uneventful, but Gibby caught Carly a few times glancing at Freddie and Sam, as lines of waiters were giving Sam barrel full's of food, as Freddie silently cried, his head down. Gibby tried to time out his eating with Freddie's departure, but with Sam always demanding more food it was hard for him to keep up the act of a casual dinner.

But eventually, either by Sam's stomach being full, her actually feeling bad that Freddie had to fit the entire bill, or by a miracle from God himself, she stopped eating. It was probably number three. They left and Gibby finished his food, asking Antonio for the check as Sam and Freddie left the restaurant.

He pulled out the blank check Freddie gave him and filled it out, and gave it to Antonio. "Come along my dear wife, the chariot awaits." He said to Carly and offered his arm again. She took it and they left the restaurant into the cold Seattle night.

"Where to now?" she asked him as they got to his car.

"I was thinking the movies." He stated, unlocking the car.

"You want to go to the movies, dressed like we are?" she asked and he shrugged.

"We'll be the best dressed there." He replied and she laughed and nodded.

"To the movies!" she proclaimed, getting into the car and shutting the door.

He started the car and backed out of the space as she put her seatbelt on "Wouldn't it be funny if we saw Freddie and Sam at the movies too?" she asked and he laughed, not for the reason she was thinking of course.

"That would be funny."

They got to the theatres and Gibby quickly texted Freddie for the movie that Sam chose to see. He got an instant response with the movie title and a sad face, a "Sorry, it was her choice." next to it. He offered his arm again to her when they got out of the car, but she bypassed it and grabbed his hand instead.

He was a little uncomfortable, but didn't let it show as they went up to the ticket counter. "Hiya Barbara!" he chirped at the bored looking attendant, with the name tag.

"Yeah whatever." She replied, popping her gum and slouching her seat. "What the hell do you want to see?"

"Um…can I get two tickets to _Blowing Shit Up With Michael Bay_." He asked and she rolled her eyes.

"What a romantic." She grumbled and handed him the tickets in exchange for his cash. "Here, try not to fornicate in the back of theatre please."

"Um…we'll try." He said, backing away from the attendant quickly and entered the building with Carly. He gave the tickets to the other employee who gave him back the stubs, telling him which theatre their movie will be playing in.

"Do you want anything from the concession stand?" he asked her and she shook her head.

"No I'm fine, we just had…" but she trailed off when she glanced towards the concession stand and saw a familiar blonde and brunette at the front of one of the lines, the blonde holding the employee by the collar of his shirt, snarling into his face, the brunette with his head bowed in shame.

"Freddie and Sam are here!" Carly exclaimed in surprise. Gibby feared the worst, because at that time she started to look rather skeptical and she was thinking, but Gibby had the good fortune that she didn't call him out on it.

They went up to the stand and the employee had his hands up, beads of sweat on his forehead "I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm not sure I can get that for you."

"All I want is a large popcorn, with salt and butter, topped with barbeque sauce. Is that so hard you little punk?" she growled at him.

"I don't think we have barbeque sauce here ma'am." He replied, his voice cracking.

"Well then you better find it and put it on my popcorn, or the least of your worries will be whether or not I decide to make your face black and blue, got it gimpy?" she asked and he gulped and nodded. "Good, now find it and be back here in less than five minutes, or I'll find you. Go!" she yelled at him, releasing his collar and he sprinted away.

"That was subtle." Freddie mumbled.

"Your face is subtle." She retorted.

"Sam, was it really necessary to threaten that guy for just doing his job?" Carly asked and Sam's head shot in her direction.

"What a surprise that you're here." Sam said dryly, making Carly confused, but Gibby stepped in before she could voice her confusion.

"It's a night of coincidences! Who knew Seattle could be so small?" he exclaimed.

"Yeah! What a strange world!" Freddie added.

"Both of you are losers!" Sam added with a glare at them. "I'm going to go get a seat. Freddie, stay and get my popcorn. If it doesn't have barbeque sauce on it, don't bother coming into the theatre." Sam said and left down the corridor towards the theatre.

"What's wrong with Sam? How come she's acting like that towards me?" Carly asked Freddie, and he had an apologetic look on his face.

"It isn't you Carly, she's just frustrated." Freddie explained.

"About what?" Carly asked.

"You know…things." He trailed off and Gibby mentally smacked his forehead. "I think her third steak was undercooked or something." Freddie recovered, hoping Carly would go against her very nature and spare them an explanation they don't have.

"You aren't telling me everything." She stated simply.

"I don't know Carly! It's Sam! You know how she gets!" Freddie exclaimed. "I swear she's bipolar, or something."

"Maybe it's her time of the month." Gibby intervened modestly and everything seemingly just stopped and Carly and Freddie just stared wild-eyed at Gibby, the most uncomfortable silence that has ever occurred laid between them. Freddie started to take a few steps away towards the theatre.

"Okay…I draw the line at menstrual cycles. I'm going to go find Sam." Freddie said uncomfortably, turning on a dime and heading down the hallway.

"You forgot Sam's popcorn!" Gibby yelled at him.

"Whatever Sam is going to do to me is preferable than staying in that conversation!" he yelled back and Gibby shrugged, looking back at Carly.

"Was it something I said?" he asked. Carly just shook her head and they started to head down the hallway their friends had just gone down, on the way to the theatre. Gibby was feeling triumphant regardless, he had got Carly to drop the subject, and made Freddie unbelievably uncomfortable at the same time. He calls that a win-win.

He maneuvered Carly to get the seats directly behind Freddie and Sam so they would be directly in view throughout the whole movie, and he looked up at the screen to see a preview of another terrible romantic comedy, with a terrible title that included a pun.

That one passed soon enough and on came another preview, about a "historical event", that by the end of movie you think you know everything about the subject, when in reality, you don't know a damn thing, because the director took so many "creative liberties" that he/she completely skews what actually happened, thus dooming tons of movie goers who try to talk about the subject with an actual historian or history teacher, only to get stared at with resignation and pity (i.e. _300_ and _Valkyrie_.)

But finally the feature presentation disclaimers started to appear, and Gibby sat back in his seat watching as Carly looked at the screen, then back at Freddie and Sam, then back up to the screen. All the ads of the producers and film companies had passed and they were all staring at a black screen.

_Bam!_ An explosion erupted on the screen and a tall shirtless white guy ran out onto a helipad with the hot, maybe white, maybe Latina, girl in his arms. A hundred different guys in black suits and black sunglasses and shooting him with high powered machine guns, with no recoil apparently, but every single shot missed because hell, _he's the hero_.

"We have to get to the chopper! This place is going to blow!" the shirtless guy yells, tossing a live grenade behind him and it explodes, but he doesn't look at it or slow down because _he's the hero_. _Hero's don't look at explosions_.

"Why?" the hot girl asks.

"Because we have to assassinate the drug cartel leader that I just shot with my gun! This whole place is about to explode, and cause billions of dollars of damage to innocent civilians and the surrounding areas, all to kill one guy and end his evil operations! But we never explain how the community that has witnessed the terrible tragedy to their homeland adapts to everyday life after the loss of their loved ones because were American and they're some kind of foreign!" he yells while eight more explosions happen behind him.

"Why not just shoot him and be done with it? It seems kind of pointless to blow up this large building to kill one guy!" she yells back through another explosion.

"Shut up ho and kiss me while I run and explode things behind me!" he yells and she swoons like it says in her script that was not run by her before they started filming.

They jump into the conveniently placed helicopter that doesn't have a scratch on it, even though thousands of bullets have been shot at it in the last two minutes, and the plain old pilot who wished he got the day off starts the take off.

"Oh Lawdy, you done good white boy!" the overtly racist black guy yells from the passenger seat of the helicopter, trying to hide the fact that he is irritated because he has ten years of acting lessons from one of the best schools in the country and can recite perfect Shakespeare in Latin while sleeping, and he keeps getting cast as the token black guy with bad grammar and pronunciation.

He sticks a military-issue machine gun out the window and fires it with one hand, with absolutely no recoil, and he kills loads of guys who have been missing with two hands, but _he's the hero's best friend_. Apparently none of the men on the helipad realize that most helicopters have their gas tanks on the _outside_ of the fuselage and one shot there kills everything inside the helicopter, and they miss every shot.

The helicopter takes off and the hero stands by the gun door, holding onto nothing even though he's in flight and one sneeze by the pilot sends him plummeting to the ground crying for his mommy, but _he's the hero and hero's don't plummet, anywhere_.

The audience cringes because they know a bad one liner is on the way and is going to be delivered so poorly most movie critics would vomit when it happens. He puts on a smirk and apparently has it timed perfectly because everything on screen blows the fuck up when he utters his bad one liner.

"Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids."

Eight hundred different camera angles capture the monumental explosion that would probably knock the helicopter right out of the sky, but since he's the hero, it has some sort of force field around it, and the audiences eyes are starting to bleed from the orange and yellow colors on the screen.

Fifteen minutes later the explosion ends and the title appears on the screen and the audience already wants to leave, except for the few tools that think this movie is "Hella awesome bro. Bro, bro, it's great bro. I'm so going to join the army bro so I can do crazy shit like this…bro."

Gibby wants to stand up and scream "Done!" ala Peter Griffin style, but he stays quiet and watches the orgy of pure _bad_ that the movie is for the sake of Freddie.

But finally the movie seems to be at a close, because the hero, still shirtless, is holding the hot girl in his arms as she took one bullet in the arm and is on the verge of dying because apparently all of her vital organs and arteries intersect at the exact spot where she was grazed by a .22 caliber round.

"Oh Blaze Danger McHotguyington, I'm sorry I'm such a weak woman and I can't survive a wound most infants can survive. I love you." She says and he grimaces, fighting his non-existent feelings for her. She dies unceremoniously and he screams her name into sky as rain starts to magically pour down, an obvious_ sign that heaven is crying_.

He doesn't cry or say he loves her back because tough guys aren't allowed to form lasting relationships with a woman past sex and dry-humping in the back of a helicopter, even though to truly be a healthy individual you have to form bonds with people to be mentally stable. _But not the hero_. He's a lone wolf, and he's going to show them.

On comes a twenty minute block of him killing everyone he sees all alone, never reloading, and blowing shit up along the way. He's going to show evil bad guy number two that he's eight different types of badass and he kills him with a broken knife, a metaphor for his _broken_ _heart_.

Finally the movie ends with him receiving four hundred Metals of Honor and becoming the President of the United States. Who is handsome. The End.

"Oh thank God!" Gibby yelled, pulling Carly as fast as he can out of the theatre, and he wasn't surprised to see her running ahead of him, trying to get away faster.

They stopped at the front of the theatre, trying to catch their breaths from sprint away from the horrifying movie. Finally Gibby stood up straight "That was the worst piece of garbage I've ever seen in my life!" he proclaimed and Carly nodded in agreement.

"That was the best piece of awesomeness I've ever seen in my life!" Sam exclaimed, coming out of the theatre with Freddie, who didn't look much better than Carly and Gibby.

"You can't have liked that movie Sam." Carly said.

"Why not? It had explosions, more explosions, bullets, explosions, and did you see Blaze Danger McHotguyington? He was so McHotguyington!" she exclaimed and Freddie rolled his eyes next to her. "I want to see it again sometime, and guess who is going to take me?" she said, glancing at Freddie and his eyes widened.

"Oh please no! That would be the cruelest thing you could ever do to me!" he yelled.

"Then it's settled." She smirked and Freddie sighed, resigning himself.

"I'm so done with tonight, let's just go home." Freddie said and the foursome started to walk away from the theatre. Gibby and Carly were following behind Sam and Freddie and Gibby noticed that Freddie was limping, and he wasn't before the movie.

"Hey Freddie, why are you limping?" Gibby asked and Freddie turned around.

"Remember when I said anything that Sam could do to me is preferable than staying in that conversation with you and Carly when I didn't get her popcorn?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"It wasn't."

…

**Alright, tell me how you feel about it.**

**Personally I'm not sure about it. I wasn't planning on a Gibby/Carly slant at the start of the story, I still don't for now, but who knows what will happen during the course of this adventure.**

**I sure as hell don't**


End file.
